The ad was simple enough:
"Married, late 30s, visiting businessman, bottom, looking for similar but top."
Only problem was he was in a hotel on Capital Hill, pretty far for me, but I decide it's worth the subway ride to get a little ass.
At the Holiday Inn (yeah, that should have been a warning for me), "John" (yeah, people still give that fake name) opens the door. What a fucking liar, he must be in his mid-50s! This time I decide I'm going to call him out. Here is the dialog:
"I'm John, glad you could come over."
"Where is the guy who posted the ad?"
"That's me, I'm ready."
"The ad said you were in your thirties."
"Come on dude, everybody shaves off a few years in those ads. I promise, I'm a real good bottom."
"Listen dude, I don't like being lied to, but since I'm here, I'm inclined to go ahead and fuck you, but only if you keep that pruned-up mug of yours face-down in the pillow, so I don't have to look at it."
He looks hurt, and I feel so proud at calling this motherfucker out. I say "you want it or not?" He says, "let's get undressed." He gets on his stomach in the bed, and I start lubing his hole. He points to the nightstand, and say's "there's a condom there, I only take it safe." I say, "absolutely, me too." I put the condom on, shove his face down in the pillow (reminding him of our deal that he stay face down if he wants to get fucked), slip off the condom and penetrate his ass. I fuck him a good ten minutes before I flood his ass with cum.
I pull out, and tell him to stay face down, as I don't want to see his face again. I put my pants on, shoes on, and walk out, leaving my very special calling card of an empty condom on the floor.
I can't resist, on the way home, I stop by the bookstore and check me email. And, yes, John has written me, and his is one unhappy old fart. "What the fuck, the condom I give you is on the floor and dry. I told you I play safe ONLY and you said you did too. What the fuck just happened??????"
I respond as follows:
"Yes, John, I told you that I only play safe. But, in fact, I only fuck guys raw, planting cum deep inside, where, as we speak, my little sperms are searching in vain for egg in your ass to fertilize. As far as me telling you that I only play safe, that was a lie, sort of like you being in your late 30's. But as you said, everybody tells whopper when hooking up. Don't write me again."
But he does: "Listen, you fucking little faggot. I don't get fucked raw ever. I'm a lawyer and what you did was rape. NO CONSENT to the sex act performed - it's just like you drugged me and fucked me. You going to jail unless you come over here NOW, show me a driver's license so I got your real name and address, go get tested for all FUCKING KNOWN STDs, and show me the results. Else, I call the cops."
Oh well, we'll go another round:
"Dude, you're not going to call the cops, As I lawyer, I'm sure you know that the police report would be public, and under my right to confront my accuser, I get to know your full name, address, etc. And about 15 minutes after I find out, your wife is going to know what you do when you are here in DC (and probably everywhere else you take you over-fucked ass). And shortly after that, I'll make sure everyone in your office gets a copy so they know the efficient use you're making of the company travel budget, doing business during the day and getting fucked by random guys in the evening. I don't have any diseases and I hope you've learned a lesson about lying about your age, appearance, etc."
He did not write back and no cops have busted down my door (yet).... Who would have thought, me and a "teachable moment."
